


An Empty Christmas

by Lucenthia



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-04
Updated: 2014-04-04
Packaged: 2018-01-18 04:07:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1414486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lucenthia/pseuds/Lucenthia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Axel takes a trip down memory lane when Roxas and Xion insist on having Christmas with him, but this little trip brings up memories he'd rather forget, and a new resolve to protect his two new best friends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Empty Christmas

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Raiden Amour](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Raiden+Amour).



"Hey, Axel, what's Christmas?"

"Huh?" Axel looked around to see Roxas staring at a poster on a brick wall in Twilight Town. It, like the rest of the buildings, were shaded orange in the dull light of the sun.

"Christmas sale now on, from December 15th to December 29th." Roxas read out, "Come soon to get bargains of a lifetime." He turned to Axel and laughed, "So what's Christmas?"

Axel sighed, "Why do you always ask these weird questions?" All he wanted to do was eat ice-cream after one mission. Was that too much to ask for? Well, if Saix  _(Isa)_  was here he really would say having ice-cream was an indulgence only those with hearts had, but Saix  _(Isa)_ wasn't.

He looked and saw Roxas was still looking at him expectantly, his azure eyes starting to widen in his usual puppy-dog stare that Axel still wasn't sure he was aware of. "Let's just go to the clock tower. If Xion's going to ask me this I'm not going to explain it twice."

Roxas sighed and slumped, then perked right up as they brought three ice cream sticks. Always such a kid. It was hard for Axel to link Roxas with Sora. Sora seemed so passionate and reckless. He supposed that was the benefits of having a heart  _(soul)._

When they got to the top of the tower they saw Xion already there waiting for them, steadily licking her ice cream. The rays of sun blazed off her sleek dark hair, while they were dulled as they fell against the black Organization XIII cloak. As she turned, her eyes, just as brilliant as Roxas' and Axel's twinkled as she smiled at them. "Hey, what took you so long?"

Roxas slid his legs over the edge, being more careful than Axel who just flopped down on the ledge, his crimson spiky hair shifting a little at the impact of him landing on the ledge. "Getting you ice cream, but it seems you already started without us."

Xion laughed and said, "Saix sent me on this recon mission and I got back early." She flung her hand out to Axel as she reached for the ice cream he had brought for her.

"Get you hands away." Axel laughed, "Your fault for starting without us. What kind of friend are you?"

"Hey, blame Saix, not me." Xion laughed, "Besides, it's also just because I'm so good at completing missions. What took you and Roxas so long?"

In response, Axel stuck his finger at Roxas. "It was totally this guy's fault. He had us chasing after the wrong Heartless and we ended up in the water."

Roxas just laughed, "We were in Neverland. How do you not expect to get wet?" Xion joined in his laughter, making Axel lean back and fold his arms behind his head.

"You didn't fall in," Axel pouted, "He was cheating." He stared up at the greyish-blue sky, the same hue of blue the sea he had fallen into was.

"All I did was not crash into a boulder." Roxas protested, sending Xion into another fit of giggles, splashing sticky drops of sea salt ice cream that was steadily melting under the warm sun.

Axel grunted petulantly, but his emerald eyes twinkled as he smiled. If this was what being heartless was like, then maybe he didn't need a heart, no matter what Saix  _(Isa)_ said.

"So Axel, what's Christmas?" Roax asked. He was already well into his ice cream, and the wooden stick was poking out of the glistening desert.

Axel sighed and said, "It's this festival people have where they give gifts to each other and have a good time together."

"Where did this come from?" Xion asked, leaning over to try and grab the spare ice cream no one was eating. Axel slapped her hand away with one hand as he pointed at Roxas with his other one. "Who do you think asks all the weird questions? It sure as hell wasn't Xigbar."

"Why do they give presents?" Roxas asked, "Is there a story behind it?"

Axel laughed. "Yeah, and it's a stupid one. All the stories people make up are pretty stupid." He paused and grinned at Roxas and Xion's expectant faces. "Well, the story goes that there's an old man who lives in this ice palace, and he and his elves watch over all the kids to see if they're good or not. If they've been good, they get presents. If they haven't, they don't."

Roxas opened his mouth to speak, but Axel cut him off. "It's only a kids story that only kids believe. It's meant to keep little kids good. For the grownups, it's just about giving gifts and having a good time with the family."

"You're a grownup too, you know." Xion joked, "Don't talk like you're one of us."

"Hey!" Axel yelled, throwing the spare ice cream at Xion. It hit it's mark and slid down her shoulder in sticky trail. Unconcerned, Xion took the ice cream and started on her second one. "Grownups are people like Xaldin and Saix  _(Isa)_ , don't mix me up with those guys."

Roxas chuckled at the mental image of Xigbar running around giving presents right before buying things at the Christmas sale. Which reminded him, "Wait, so why is there a huge sale at Christmas? I thought people give things to other people, not sell them."

"Yeah, you give things to other people, but those things have to come from somewhere, right?" Axel said. He remembered running around Radiant Garden frantically buying gifts for his parents and Isa  _(Saix)._

"Oh, so the shop owners sell things at a lower price and that counts as giving their present to everyone?" Roxas said. Axel groaned when he saw Xion was looking with interest. Why was it always him that had to explain things to kids. And since when were kids so interested in this anyways? When he was a kid all he wanted to do was to run around with Isa  _(Saix)_ and talk about nothing at all.

"No, no, no," Axel sighed, "It's like, the shop owners know that people need all these presents to give to people, so they deliberately make things cheaper because they know more people will want to buy what's cheaper, and so many people will come by that they won't lose out."

Roxas' flawless forehead furrowed and wrinkled in confusion. "That doesn't sound like giving. It sounds like the shop owners just get a lot of money."

Axel laughed and said, "Yeah, I guess they do, but Christmas is supposed to be about spending time with family."

"What about people who don't have family?" Xion asked, "Isn't it a little unfair that they get left out?"

"No-, it's not-" Axel sighed, "Look, it doesn't have to be with family, it just has to be with people you're close with. Like, your best friends."

"Wait, so we can have Christmas?" Roxas said eagerly. "With Demyx and Luxord and everyone else?"

Axel choked on his ice cream and jack-knifed to his feet, almost falling off the clock tower. "Why the hell would you want that?"

Roxas and Xion both looked at him with confused, wide, and brilliantly blue eyes. "Well, you said that we should have Christmas with people we know, right? Besides, I don't think Demyx or Luxord would mind that much."

"We are not giving a Christmas present to Xemnas!" Axel yelled, "Or anyone else for that matter. Saix would have us fighting Heartless every day."

"Well, what about just between us three?" Roxas asked, "We're best friends, right?"

Now Axel's brow was as wrinkled as Roxas' had been moments before. "Well, I guess if you put it like that..."

"You put it like that." Xion laughed. "When's Christmas?"

"In three days." Axel sighed, running his hand through his long spikes and instantly regretting it due to the melted ice cream his hand had been covered in.

"Alright!" Roxas grinned, "We'll have Christmas in three days." He turned to Axel. "Come on, let's get back to the castle."

Axel nodded, and took one last look at the setting sun before making a corridor of darkness back to the castle. As he stepped inside, he thought ruefully  _"Thank god I didn't tell them about decorating the Christmas tree."_

* * *

 

"Axel."

Axel sighed, and turned to face Saix  _(Isa),_ who was walking up to him in the Hall of Empty Melodies. He turned to tersely face his old friend.  _No, no, not my friend. Not my friend._

"What's this I hear about Christmas?" Saix  _(Isa)_ asked acidly.

Axel sighed again. He'd told Roxas and Xion to shut up. Why couldn't they listen to him? Turning back to Saix  _(Isa)_  he said, "It's just a little bit of fun. It's not like it's dangerous, or god forbid, it might mean they have hearts."

Saix  _(Isa)_  narrowed his eyes. "Be careful. Don't try to bring back what you once had."

"And what would that be?" Axel asked.  _Isa_ had never been able to make him this angry.  _Isa_  never got on his nerves. What had changed?  _Oh right, we lost our hearts._ Axel thought bitterly,  _And suddenly my question's answered and I feel so much better._

"A heart." Saix  _(Isa)_ said, "Friends. We had hearts then, and we don't now. We're not children anymore, so grow up."

Axel's eyes narrowed and he stepped forward slightly. Saix  _(Isa)_ crouched down and readied himself for a fight. Then Axel calmed himself. "They're just kids, and it's just a bit of fun. Don't know why you're so worked up about it."

"I'm worked up?" Saix  _(Isa), no, Saix, Saix, Saix,_ said. "You seem to be the one getting affected by the past.

Axel turned and started to walk back to his room. "Man, what happened to the quiet kid that used to run around Radiant Garden?"

He wished he'd stayed silent, especially when Saix  _(IsaSaixIsa)_ responded coldly, "The child grew up, and so should you."

* * *

 

"Merry Christmas!" The sun had been setting for a while now, and the orange hue was now struck through with streaks of purple.

"Where've you been?" Axel asked. He had been lying down, looking up at the glazed sky, waiting for Roxas and Xion.

"Sorry, we got sent after this huge Heartless in Beast's Castle." Xion said, rubbing her head. "You'd think Saix was trying to kill us, the way he sent us up against these things."

He frown crossed Axel's face. " _If Isa, no, Saix. If Saix kills them I'l-"_ and then he regained control. There wasn't any way the Organization would kill of the precious Keyblade Wielders. He got up and sat on the ledge of the clock tower. "So how are we going to do this?"

Roxas and Xion looked at each other shyly, then stuck out their hands. In Roxas' pair of hands there was a bright green hoodie. Xion held a pair of earrings. Despite himself, Axel found himself smiling broadly. He took Roxas' gift first and asked, "What the heck's this?"

Roxas and Xion looked at each other, then chroused, "It's a hoodie."

Axel looked at them for a moment, then said, "Yeah, but, I meant, why did you get a hoodie. You do know we have to wear these cloaks to go through the Realm of Darkness."

Roxas shrugged, "You could wear it in the castle."

Axel glared at him, "No way am I wearing that in front of Xemnas  _(and Is-Saix)."_ He turned and looked at Xion and Roxas both gazing at him wide-eyed. "I. Am. Not."

They both slumped simultaneously and Xion said, "Well, could you at least try it on so we can see how it looks?"

Axel rolled his eyes and zipped his cloak down halfway, just below his navel. He shrugged the hoodie on and flung out his arms. "Happy?" He needn't have asked. The huge grin on Roxas' face and the giggles coming from Xion's mouth was answer enough. The hoodie Roxas had got him was too small. The sleeves ended several inches above the wrist, and the hoodie barely came down to his waist. Most of all, there was no way the hood would be able to fit over Axel's wild hair. He felt the zipper start to slip past his waist and quickly pulled it up. He didn't know why he felt this awkward around Roxas and Xion. Maybe he was still a kid inside. He chuckled again.  _"If this is being a kid, maybe I don't want to grow up."_

They stood like that for a while, then Axel tugged off the hoodie and zipped up. Xion then gave him her gift. The earrings were silver, and they were shaped in little flames that looked like they were actually on fire when Axel held them up to the orange sunlight. "These are actually pretty cool."

"And what, mine's wasn't?" Roxas pouted playfully as Axel grinned at both of them and started to put the earrings on. "Hey, were your ears already pierced?"

Axel jerked his hand, drawing blood from his earlobe. "Uh, yeah. It was when I  _(and Isa)_  was a kid. ( _We)_ I did stupid things when  _(we were)_ I was younger." He quickly put on the earrings and turned to look at them with a smile. "How does it look?"

Xion laughed in delight, "A lot better than Roxas' hoodie." This earned her a short jab from Roxas and another laugh from Axel. "Thanks guys. It feels good."

"So what did you get us?" Roxas asked eagerly. Xion perked up as well, and Axel grinned. "Man, kids never do change. I remember getting up at the crack of dawn to open the presents."

Seemingly from out of nowhere he pulled out two lighters and tossed it to Roxas and Xion. "Before you get all disappointed and say it's just an ordinary lighter, try it out."

They did, and both nearly dropped the lighter in shock. When they flicked the dial, a huge tongue of flame erupted out from inside. Axel grinned at their startled expressions as they stumbled back. Roxas stumbled against the ledge, and Axel quickly grabbed his wrist to keep him from falling down.

"That's so cool, Axel!" Xion said, almost jumping up and down with glee as she tested it again, "How did you do it?"

Axel just shrugged and said, "I just picked up a fire crystal from a Heartless and put it in the lighter. Nothing much." His hand rose to his eyebrows instinctively. He quickly caught himself. The gesture belonged to a kid who had burnt his eyebrows off messing with fire alongside a friend that had grown up since then. Not him, not him. That was the kid.

He looked up at his two friends and asked, "So what did you get each other?" He fiddled the earrings as he did so, relishing the sound his fingernail made against the metal.

The two of them looked at each other, then pulled out something from the folds of their black robes. Roxas pulled out a telescope, and Xion zipped down her cloak slightly to show a blue necklace. "Look, this telescope makes things look really big!" Roxas jumped forward to show Axel what Xion's gift could do. He extended it and held up right up against Axel's face. He laughed as he scanned Axel's prominent, sharp cheekbones and shining green eyes, with a dark pupil in the middle.

Axel jerked his head back laughing, "Just make sure you don't-"

"Stare into the sun?" Xion laughed, "Don't worry, Roxas already tried that."

"Told you you were still a zombie inside." Axel laughed, "What else did you stare at?" He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, but the joke was lost on Roxas. He looked over at Xion's necklace, and saw it was a blue crystal in the shape of a rain drop. The necklace and her eyes outlined a triangle with vertices of sapphires across her face and neck. If he had met her ten years ago, he would be running after her every minute of his life.

But it wasn't ten years ago. He wasn't a kid. He was Axel now, Axel. And Saix was Saix. Not Isa. Not his friend. He was brought out of his reverie when Roxas asked him, "Hey, what are you thinking of?"

"Yeah, what did you do for Christmas when you were a kid?" Xion asked. Axel's face twitched, and he looked away.

"Come on!" Roxas begged, almost jumping up and down with curiosity, "Just tell us. What was Christmas like for you?"

Axel sighed, and said, "There was a tree. We'd spend a couple of days putting lights and bits of tinsel around it. Me, my family, and  _(Isa)_  my friend. We'd run around giving each other presents, and then we'd hang out in the square beneath the crisp breeze and just look down at the city."

Roxas and Xion were looking at him wide-eyed, and Axel went on, "There was this one time my friend got me these frisbees that I'd fling around like boomerangs. I almost took out a jug of water in the kitchen." He didn't mention the joy he'd felt as he'd hugged  _(Isa)_  his friend, or how  _(Isa)_  his friend had actually returned it. That very year his mother had given him a patchwork yellow and brown scarf that he'd always worn ever since, even in the summer  _(but not into the Darkness)_ when it was so hot he sweated without moving. He had lost it when Darkness had overrun his town, like he'd lost his frisbees, like he'd lost  _(Isa)_  his friend.

Xion cleared her throat awkwardly and said, "Sounds great. We should do this again next year." She smiled at Axel and said, "Thanks for the gifts."

"Yeah." Roxas said, "Next year. We can have a tree, like the one you and your family decorated."

Axel raised an eyebrow and asked, "And where are we gonna get time to decorate it? We're working our butts off every day. There's no way we'd be able to find a tree, find the decorations, and actually decorate it."

"There are loads of trees near the old mansion," Xion said, "We could drape strings around those."

Axel sighed in exasperation and amusement at Roxas and Xion's naivety and the mental image of draping strings across the thick trunks of the huge oaks surrounding the Old Mansion. "Fine, we'll see." He said in resignation. He grinned in spite of himself as Roxas and Xion punched the air, and he put his arms around each of them and they walked leisurely back to the castle.

"Is this something only best friends do?" Xion asked. Roxas looked up at him as well, his attention being grabbed at the mention of friends.

Axel thought for a bit, then said, "I guess you don't have to, I mean, you can go through the motions with people you don't like, but to have a good Christmas it has to be with best friends."

"What about family?" Roxas asked, "I mean, you said that you had to have Christmas with family."

"Geez, why are you always asking these kinda questions?" Axel asked, "I guess it doesn't have to be with people you don't like. To have a great Christmas I guess you gotta have it with the people you like best."

"So it is something only best friends can do." Xion said. She rolled her neck that was cramped from staring up into Axel's face.

Axel laughed. There was definitely a certain charm about how simplistic Roxas and Xion made the world. Maybe that was how the world should be. Best friends, friends, and others. Maybe Roxas and Xion were all he needed. He didn't need to grow up, not if he could be with Roxas and Xion the whole time. They walked back through the Corridor of Darkness to the castle laughing.

* * *

 

"How was your day?" Saix asked acidly. His yellow eyes bore into Axel's as they faced each other in the corridor leading to Axel's room.

"Fine." Axel said. The lightness in his chest was still there, and he didn't feel as bitter about Saix or Isa than before.

"Nice earrings." Saix said, "I also saw number thirteen and fourteen playing with lighters. Would you know anything about that?"

"We had Christmas." Axel said, forcing a tight smile onto his face. It was easier than he thought.

"Do grow up, Lea." Saix said, "Two children are more than enough for this organization."

"Coming from the guy who's trying to use my old name to provoke me?" Axel asked coldly, "I'm not the one who needs to grow up."

"You do know what Xion is, don't you? She is a replica for us to achieve our goals, nothing more. She  _will_  be eliminated. That is a truth."

"If you try anything against them I will fight you." Axel said stepping forward. His fingers flexed and flames danced from finger to finger.

"One child cannot protect two others." Saix said, "You wish to protect Roxas and Xion? Then grow up and do so. Face reality and try. If you really value what pathetic relationship you have between them, you will grow up."

"Why are hearts so important?" Axel asked, "Are you sure that we can't feel anything, or is it just because you don't try."

"Our plans are absolute." Saix said, "Don't let the greed for what you once had blind you to what must be done."

"I'm not looking back." Axel said, "I'm looking forward." 

"Admirably naive," Saix said, "Will you still say that when Xion and Roxas must fight to the death? How will you save them if you don't possess the strength?"

"I'll be strong enough," Axel said, "You can just bet on it."

Saix turned to walk away, but stopped and added, "Until you stop acting like a child, you will never be stronger than the boy who crept into the castle of Radiant Garden with his friend. Until you accept who you are and grow up, you will never be able to protect your so-called comrades."

Axel stared at Saix until he rounded the corner, then walked into his room. He stared at the wall for a moment with his head bowed down, then took out the earrings. He lay them in the palm of his hand, and ignited a white flame that threw his dancing shadow across the wall, illuminated by the blinding light of the melted metal. Axel stared into the radiant inferno until spots danced in his eyes and his eyes started to burn from the strain. And he kept on staring, until the earrings had melted into a silver steaming puddle on his palm that bubbled but didn't burn. He threw the remains of Xion's present into the corner where the droplets of silver quickly solidifed, then threw Roxas' hoodie in the same corner and ignited the cloth. This flame burnt red and was weaker, but the cloth still curdled around the edges, sending off wafts of pungent fumes into his room. His eyes burnt even further from the smoke, but tears never left his eyes.

He would cast away his childhood and let go of the kid. He'd become a grownup called Axel so that Roxas and Xion could live carefree lives. He knew then that he would do anything for the two of them, and would never let the two of them die.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed this. It's the closest thing to fluff that I've gotten. I meant to write this as an AkuRoku moment, but the fic sort of just slipped away into this other direction that I really liked.   
> Please give feedback and opinions. I'd love to see all of them.
> 
> 3640930


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